๐Ÿ’Š๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’–Suicidal love thoughts๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’Š


They say when you love, love till death do you apart. When I love I love hard,my love is pure and affectionate. A little over a year ago I wrote a death note and tried to commit suicide on pills because I felt as if my life was going down hill. Earlier that year I have my girls up for open adoption so I was detachment issues and missing then alot, I had to move out of my place and into by my boyfriend’s parents house who I was only dating for 6 months because I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and because I felt as if my boyfriend didn’t love me like he said he did, he use to hangout with his friends more then me when I needed him the most, he even talked to girls online while he was home at his parents house with me. So I felt useless I was going through all of this stuff but he never paid attention to me. Until dec,26,2015 our 8th month anniversary instead of being with me,he made plans to hang out with his friends then left. There I was on the floor in our bedroom crying never felt so alone in my life, i then write a suicide more and had 3 bottles of pills on the floor next to me. I cried and thought that everyone hated me, before I taken the pills I texted him saying that since I felt so alone I was leaving this world. He texted back what’s wrong and I told him he then said don’t do it but I did it. I taken almost all three of the bottles of pills,he came home seen me on  the floor he then called 911 and I was in the ambulance on my way to the hospital. When I got there they put me in the room had to make me drink liquid charcol to make me throw up the pills but i couldnt,I passed out they had to put a breathing tube down my throat because I almost died. I woke up almost two days later, and I was in the icu supervised I asked what happened and they told me I almost died. It was a really scary moment for me. I then had to go to adult psych ward for a week because I had a history of depression and anxiety and a few days prior that I was tried to commit suicide. While I was there I was scared,cold, and lonely never been to a place like that before I’ve seen people I never seen before people with way worse problems then me. While I was there I made me a journal, I was journaling the whole time I was there. I met two great people there who I stayed in contact with when I left. My boyfriend kept in contact with with me and came to pick me up. He told me that was his wake up call and that he was sorry. I wrote him a poem while I was there because he saved my life of if I was still home and he never showed up I would have been dead, all because I loved him and didn’t feel like he cared for me back. And the fact that I suffered with bad depression and anxiety it was horrible. Moral of my story don’t let love,pain,and hurt ever take your life away your worth way more, you have a purpose of being here, find that purpose. Don’t give up on life don’t give up on yourself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s