When I think of having a father I think of being protected,loved,cared for,a tight father daughter bond. But instead I got raped,physically and mentally abused. I watched you hurt my mommy and me. Every Since I was a little girl,I’ve always wondered when it was going to stop. It never did, I watched movies and tv shows of happy families wishing it was us. Wishing I had that father to hold me close and tell me everything will be ok,he will always protect his little girl. Walk me down the alse when I get married. Never knew what it felt like to have a father and never will. It hurts me inside knowing that I have a father full of hate,knowing that he doesn’t care or love his oldest daughter. I’ve always wondered why me why did you hurt me daddy. While did you put your little girl in years why did you think it was ok to touch me like that?Why didn’t you protect me? Why didn’t you love me?Why didn’t you teach me how a real man was suppose to treat me? Now I’m just hurting everyday every night. Having bad dreams and crazy thoughts. Wondering why you hurt me. All I ever wanted was a daddy. A daddy to love me. The tears that I have are unbearable the sharp pain in my heart is more then heartbreak. The feeling of numbness in my soul is scary. I feel so alone,scared,worried,and shameful knowing that my daddy hates me and don’t care for me. Why make me if you were only gonna hurt me. Should of just aborted me. And the crazy thing is you only did this to me,none of my other siblings just me. I’m the only one suffering😢😔😕💔
Chapters Of My Life/Kisses Of The Soul 
I am so so sorry you had to endure that. You deserved a REAL father. If anyone should not have existed it is him.
I always think about it. And just wanna know why😕😯it hurts and I’m trying to get through it
It is on them. Not on us. Not on you. You did nothing wrong. You did nothing to make him single you out. there was nothing you could have done. He chose to do what he did and I am sure there was no why other than he chose to be a monster and tried to destroy his child to his own benefit and you surpassed him. You survived and are here to write about it and share your experience and pain so that others can know they are not alone in their suffering and. Isolation that abuse causes. He was a very very bad man. They why is within his own evil heart. You were just an innocent child wishing and wanting to be loved by a father. And you deserved a real father. You got a monster instead. And i hate that for you. But it was not your fault and i don’t think you will be able to ever understand why he did it because your heart is pure. Pure hearts do not understand dark hearts like your fathers. Just know that you deserved better and the blame and shame lies on him and always will.
Thank you so much😊☮
Awesome expression, courageous.
I relate in the understanding of having someone in life who by all,rights should love and care for you yet they did the opposite. Mine was my mother.
❤
Awe I’m sorry, and he it really hurts knowing I don’t have that father to protect me
I used to watch and listen to my friends and their mothers wondering what was so unloveable about me. I tried really hard for a long time to be loveable. Then I grew up.
It’s super hard, best wishes for you. You’re strong enough to be writing and sharing it, I think you’re strong enough to find your way here,
Same with me. People always tell me how loving and sweet I am. And then when I tell them my story their always in total shock like you went through all of this but you still manage to stay smiling but deep down inside I’m crying and wondering why. I know that one day I will be happy eventually….
And thank you
Interesting that you say that. Sometimes people don’t understand me. I care about other people and people in general. Humanity in fact. My philosophy is who am I to not be friendly and kind to others? Why should I show them bitterness and cruelty because I was treated as such? I want to show people love, compassion and benevolence. So in spite of the angst and pain inside me, I’m not going to give them that. They’ll see me smile.
By the same token, they can’t fathom that I deal with depression, anxiety and panic all stemming from abuse I endured as a child.
I think I understand you on this level as well
Wow that’s exactly how I am. I love helping people no matter what,it makes me feel so good inside. I love helping people more then myself. And I suffer from ptsd and severe depression as well. Do you really do understand me